The December Reset: How to Stop ‘Shoulding’ Yourself and Start Actually Resting

If you’ve been following along, you might have read my post about Holiday Stress Starting in November. That post covered the early warning signs—now let’s talk about what to actually do about it.

You know that feeling when you finally get a few days off for the holidays, and instead of feeling recharged, you’re somehow more exhausted than before? You slept in. You watched movies. You did all the “relaxing” things. But when you drag yourself back to reality, you still feel like you need a vacation from your vacation.

We’ve all been there, and if this sounds familiar, I need to tell you something important: you’re not broken, and you’re not doing rest wrong. The problem is that most of us have been taught that rest equals sleep, or maybe rest equals “not working.” But here’s what the research is showing us: there are actually seven different types of rest your body and mind need, and if you’re only addressing one or two of them, you’re going to stay exhausted no matter how many hours you spend in bed.

The December “Should” Spiral

Before we dive into what rest actually is, let’s talk about why December is so particularly brutal when it comes to the rest deficit.

December is the month of “shoulds.” You should host the perfect dinner. You should find the perfect gifts. You should attend every event. You should be grateful. You should be joyful. You should make magical memories. You should, you should, you should.

And underneath all those shoulds? The unspoken belief that if your holiday isn’t perfect, you’re failing. If you’re not doing enough, creating enough, giving enough, being enough, then somehow the entire season is ruined and it’s all your fault.

This is what I call the perfectionism trap, and it’s exhausting before you even start. Because here’s the thing about perfectionism: it’s not about having high standards or wanting things to be nice. Perfectionism is about trying to earn worth through performance. It’s the belief that if you just do everything right, you’ll finally feel okay. You’ll finally be enough.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work. Perfectionism doesn’t lead to rest. It leads to burnout.

So if you’re heading into December already feeling depleted, already dreading the “shoulds,” already worried that you won’t measure up, I want you to know: the most radical thing you can do this month is to actually rest. Not performative rest. Not Instagram-worthy self-care. Real, restorative, multi-dimensional rest.

And that starts with understanding what rest actually means.

Why Sleep Isn’t Enough: The 7 Types of Rest You Actually Need

1. Physical Rest: Your Body Needs More Than Sleep

Physical rest includes both passive rest like sleeping and napping, as well as active rest like yoga, stretching, massage therapy, and ensuring your workspace is ergonomically sound.

Signs you need physical rest:

• Body aches and pains that won’t quit
• Swelling in your legs and feet after sitting
• Back spasms or chronic tension
• You’re sleeping but still waking up tired

December reality check: You’re probably getting less sleep than usual (late-night wrapping, holiday parties, staying up to finish work before the break). And when you are resting, you’re collapsed on the couch scrolling your phone, which isn’t exactly restorative.

What to do about it:

• Protect your sleep schedule as much as possible (yes, even during the holidays)
• Take a 20-minute nap if you’re exhausted (it’s not lazy, it’s maintenance)
• Do gentle stretching or restorative yoga before bed
• Book that massage you’ve been putting off (or ask for one as a gift)
• Check your workspace setup: is your chair destroying your back?

Sleep isn’t selfish—it’s the foundation that allows you to handle everything else. For more comprehensive strategies on improving your sleep, check out my guide on Seep Hygiene and Tips for Better Rest.

2. Mental Rest: When Your Brain Won’t Stop

Mental rest deficit shows up when you lie down to sleep at night and your mind is racing with thoughts you can’t quiet. Decision fatigue, cognitive overload, and that endless to-do list running on repeat in your head.

Signs you need mental rest:

• Can’t fall asleep because your brain won’t shut off
• Struggling to focus or concentrate
• Forgetting things constantly
• Feeling mentally foggy or overwhelmed

December reality check: Your brain is making approximately 47,000 decisions a day right now. What to buy, what to cook, who to see, what to wear, how to budget, where to go, when to leave. Every. Single. Decision. Drains your mental energy.

What to do about it:

• Schedule short breaks every two hours during your workday to slow down and clear your mind
• Keep a notepad by your bed for a “brain dump” before sleep (write down everything swirling in your head, then let it go for the night)
• Practice saying “I’ll decide tomorrow” and actually mean it
• Batch similar decisions together (meal plan once instead of deciding every meal)
• Give yourself permission to make “good enough” choices

3. Sensory Rest: The Overstimulation Is Real

Bright lights, computer screens, background noise, and multiple conversations can cause your senses to feel overwhelmed. If left unchecked, the absence of sensory rest can result in feelings of anxiety and agitation.

Signs you need sensory rest:

• Feeling irritable or agitated, especially as the day goes on
• Overwhelmed by noise, lights, or activity
• Craving silence or darkness
• Feeling like everything is “too much”

December reality check: Holiday music everywhere. Flashing lights. Crowded stores. Zoom calls with festive backgrounds. Notifications about sales. Family gatherings with everyone talking at once. Your nervous system is maxed out.

What to do about it:

• Close your eyes for a minute in the middle of the day, and intentionally unplug from electronics at the end of every day
• Create a “quiet hour” in your home with no screens, no music, no talking
• Dim the lights in the evening
• Use noise-canceling headphones when you need peace
• Say no to visually overwhelming environments when possible
• Take a walk in nature without your phone

4. Creative Rest: When Everything Feels Flat

Creative rest involves appreciating beauty and nature, and it’s not just for artists. Anyone who has to solve problems, come up with ideas, or think innovatively needs creative rest.

Signs you need creative rest:

• Everything feels boring or uninspiring
• You’re stuck in problem-solving mode with no fresh ideas
• Beauty doesn’t move you anymore
• You can’t remember the last time you felt wonder or awe

December reality check: You’re expected to be creative (gift ideas! menu planning! decorating!), but you’re running on empty. You’re staring at the same four walls planning the same traditions, and it all feels exhausting rather than exciting.

What to do about it:

• Turn your workspace into a place of inspiration by displaying images of places you love and works of art that speak to you
• Visit a local Ontario holiday market just to look and take in the creativity
• Watch the sunrise or sunset and actually pay attention
• Put on music that makes you feel something
• Step away from the “holiday Pinterest board” and let yourself just be
• Give yourself permission to do something differently this year

5. Emotional Rest: Stop Performing Your Feelings

Emotional rest means having the time and space to freely express your feelings and cut back on people-pleasing. It’s the rest we experience when we don’t feel like we’re hiding part of ourselves from other people.

Signs you need emotional rest:

• Everyone thinks you’re fine, but you’re drowning
• You’re the person everyone leans on, but you have nowhere to lean
• You can’t remember the last time you said how you really feel
• You’re exhausted from managing everyone else’s emotions

December reality check: You’re smiling through stress. You’re pretending you’re excited when you’re actually anxious. You’re saying “I’m fine!” when someone asks, even though you’re absolutely not fine. You’re the one holding it all together, and nobody knows you’re falling apart.

What to do about it:

• Tell someone the truth when they ask how you’re doing
• Let yourself cry if you need to (it’s not weakness, it’s release)
• Stop over-functioning for people who are capable of handling things themselves
• Set boundaries around emotional labour (you don’t have to solve everyone’s problems)
• Find a therapist to talk to (yes, really—more on this later)
• Practice saying “I’m actually really overwhelmed right now” out loud
  

If family gatherings bring up particularly difficult emotions or you’re dealing with challenging family dynamics, you might find my article on Setting Boundaries with Disrespectful Parents helpful.

6. Social Rest: Not All Connection Is Restorative

Social rest involves evaluating which relationships give you energy versus which ones drain your energy, then consciously choosing to spend time with people who are positive and supportive.

Signs you need social rest:

• Dreading social events, even with people you normally like
• Feeling lonelier after spending time with certain people
• Exhausted by small talk and surface-level conversations
• Craving solitude more than connection

December reality check: Your calendar is packed with obligatory social events. Office party. Family dinner. Friends’ gathering. Neighbourhood thing. And you’re supposed to show up to all of them with energy and enthusiasm, even though what you really want is to be alone in your pajamas.

What to do about it:

• Give yourself permission to skip at least one event (the world will not end)
• Seek out the people who energize you, even if it’s just a text conversation
• Limit time with energy vampires (yes, even if they’re family)
• Schedule alone time as intentionally as you schedule social time
• Practice leaving events early without guilt
• Choose quality connection over quantity of events
  

Saying no to social obligations without guilt is a skill that takes practice. If you’re new to boundary-setting, my post on The Importance of Healthy Boundaries can help you get started.

7. Spiritual Rest: Connecting to Something Bigger

Spiritual rest is the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and purpose. A spiritually exhausted person may feel that nothing they do is important, or that their job is devoid of meaning.

Signs you need spiritual rest:

• Feeling like nothing you do matters
• Going through the motions without purpose
• Disconnected from your values or what matters most
• Questioning why you’re doing any of this

December reality check: You’re so busy doing that you’ve forgotten why any of it matters. The holidays have become a checklist instead of a meaningful experience. You’re disconnected from the deeper reasons you do any of this in the first place.

What to do about it:

• Reconnect with what the holidays actually mean to you (not what they “should” mean)
• Engage in prayer, meditation, or reflection
• Spend time in nature and let yourself feel small in a good way
• Do something that contributes to the greater good (volunteer, donate, help)
• Ask yourself: “What would make this season feel meaningful to me?”
• Let go of traditions that no longer serve your values

The December Reset: Putting It All Together

Okay, so now you know about the seven types of rest. But here’s where most people get stuck: “Great, now I have seven more things I should be doing. How is this supposed to help?”

Here’s the truth: you don’t need to master all seven types of rest this month. That’s just more shoulds, and we’re done with shoulds, remember?

Instead, I want you to do something radical: figure out which one or two types of rest you’re most desperately lacking, and focus there.

Step 1: Identify Your Rest Deficit

Look back at those seven types and honestly ask yourself: which of these hit hardest? Where did you think, “Oh. That’s me. That’s exactly what I’m experiencing”?

Maybe you’re physically exhausted and your body is screaming for actual rest. Maybe your mind won’t stop spinning and you need mental rest. Maybe you’re emotionally depleted from performing happiness you don’t feel.

Start there. Pick one or two.

Step 2: Choose One Small Action

You don’t need to overhaul your entire life. You need one small, doable thing you can start today.

If you need physical rest: go to bed 30 minutes earlier tonight. If you need mental rest: start the bedtime brain dump tonight. If you need sensory rest: unplug from all screens for one hour this evening. If you need creative rest: look up one piece of art or one beautiful place online and really look at it for five minutes. If you need emotional rest: tell one person one true thing about how you’re really feeling. If you need social rest: cancel one obligation this week (just one). If you need spiritual rest: spend 10 minutes asking yourself what actually matters to you.

One thing. That’s it.

Step 3: Give Yourself Permission to Rest Imperfectly

Here’s what’s probably happening in your head right now: “But I can’t just rest. There’s too much to do. People are counting on me. The holidays won’t happen if I don’t make them happen.”

And here’s what I need you to hear: resting isn’t irresponsible. It’s essential.

You cannot take from an empty bucket.

You cannot give what you don’t have. You cannot show up as your best self when you’re running on fumes.

Resting isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. And it’s not something you have to earn by finishing everything first. You’re allowed to rest even when things are undone. You’re allowed to rest even when you’re not “productive enough” yet.

You’re allowed to rest because you’re a human being, and human beings need rest to function.

And if you think you might need help tracking these different forms of rest, check out my Seven Types of Rest worksheet, available in my shop. This comprehensive Seven Types of Rest worksheet helps you identify rest deficits and create a personalized burnout prevention plan that actually works. Plus, you can fill in each section digitally for easy use; you don’t need to print. Fill it in on your phone or computer.

When the Shoulds Come from Perfectionism (And What to Do About It)

Let’s get real about why the December shoulds hit so hard. For many of us, it’s not just about holiday stress. It’s about perfectionism.

Perfectionism tells you that if you just do everything right, you’ll finally feel worthy. If you just create the perfect holiday, throw the perfect party, give the perfect gifts, maintain the perfect appearance of having it all together, then finally you’ll be enough.

But here’s what perfectionism doesn’t tell you: the goal line keeps moving. There is no amount of perfection that will make you feel permanently worthy, because the problem isn’t your performance. The problem is the belief that your worth is tied to your performance in the first place.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Oh no, this is me. I’m stuck in the perfectionism trap,” I want you to know something: recognizing it is the first step. And therapy can help you work through it.

What Perfectionism Does to Your Rest

Perfectionism makes rest feel dangerous. If your worth is tied to what you produce, then resting feels like failing. Every moment you’re not doing something feels like evidence that you’re not enough.

This is why you can take a vacation and still feel anxious. Why you can have a day off and spend it thinking about work. Why you can try to rest but end up just adding “rest better” to your to-do list.

Perfectionism makes rest nearly impossible, because rest requires you to believe that you’re worthy even when you’re not producing. And if you don’t believe that, then rest feels terrifying.

The Therapy Connection

If you’re recognizing yourself in this description, if the idea of resting without earning it first makes you anxious, if you’re exhausted from trying to be perfect, therapy might be exactly what you need.

Therapy isn’t just for crisis. It’s for patterns like this. Patterns that keep you exhausted, stressed, anxious, and unable to truly rest even when you desperately need it.

As a therapist specializing in burnout, stress, and anxiety in Ontario, I work with people exactly like you. High-achievers who are exhausted from the endless shoulds. People who know intellectually that they need rest but can’t seem to give themselves permission to actually take it. People who are tired of living in the perfectionism trap.

Therapy can help you:

• Identify where these shoulds are actually coming from
• Challenge the beliefs that keep you stuck
• Learn to set boundaries without guilt
• Develop sustainable strategies for managing stress
• Give yourself permission to rest without earning it first
• Find your way out of the perfectionism trap

And here’s the thing: December is actually the perfect time to start. Not because you should add one more thing to your plate, but because starting therapy now means you enter the new year with support already in place, not scrambling to find it when you hit the wall in January.

Your December Rest Action Plan

Alright, let’s make this concrete. Here’s your actual, practical, doable plan for the December reset:

A Note for Ontario Residents

If you’re reading this in Ontario, I want you to know about a practical consideration: many extended health benefits reset on January 1st. If you have therapy coverage through your employer that you haven’t used this year, December is the time to use it before you lose it.

Virtual therapy makes this easier than ever. No commute. No rushing across town after work. Just log on from home and get support.

And Ontario winters make everything harder. The darkness, the cold, the months of gray ahead. This isn’t just holiday stress, this is seasonal stress compounded by holiday stress. If you’re already struggling, reaching out now means you have support through the darkest part of winter, not just the hectic holidays.

The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For

What Comes Next

If you’re recognizing yourself in these patterns, if you’re exhausted from the perfectionism trap and the endless shoulds, if you know you need more than just a blog post to help you work through this, I’d love to talk with you.

I offer virtual therapy throughout Ontario for people dealing with burnout, stress, anxiety, and sleep concerns. People who are high-functioning on the outside but exhausted on the inside. People who know something needs to change but aren’t sure how to make it happen.

Therapy isn’t about adding more to your plate. It’s about helping you understand the patterns keeping you stuck, challenging the beliefs making everything harder, and developing sustainable strategies for actually resting and recharging.

The December reset isn’t just about surviving the holidays. It’s about learning to stop shoulding yourself and start actually resting, not just in December, but all year long.

Ready to make a change? Book a free 15-minute consultation to discuss how virtual therapy can help you break free from burnout and perfectionism.

Because you deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to actually rest. And sometimes, getting there requires support.

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Wherever you are in Ontario, if you’re struggling with burnout, stress, anxiety, or sleep concerns, virtual therapy can help. I specialize in assisting individuals to move from exhausted and overwhelmed to rested and sustainable. Don’t wait, spots fill quickly. Book your January appointment now!

Tags: burnout prevention Ontario, virtual therapy Ontario, holiday stress management, perfectionism therapy, anxiety therapist Ontario, sleep concerns, stress management counselling, December mental health, work-life balance therapy, online therapist Canada

ags: burnout prevention Ontario, virtual therapy Ontario, holiday stress management, perfectionism therapy, anxiety therapist Ontario, sleep concerns, stress management counseling, December mental health, work-life balance therapy, online therapist Canada